In the song Let’s Get Married, by the Gray Havens, a husband-and-wife duo recount:

Some would scoff and stare at us,
And some would laugh and cry

And others asked our age and wage,
And raised their eyebrows in surprise

Disbelief is typical of what young couples experience when they decide to get serious about marriage. In fact, it’s a major reason why the average age of first marriage for both men and women is now around 30.

Also, skepticism about young marriage is propped up by a whole host of false assumptions: that it leads to higher rates of divorce, that young adults should “establish a career” first, or that they should be “financially independent” before seeking a spouse. And so, well-meaning people drop nuggets of popular wisdom like, “There’s no rush, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you,” or “You should find yourself before settling down.” Or, “You need to experiment sexually before you commit to just one person.”

This advice is not only misguided, it’s flat wrong. Writing at The Institute for Family Studies, Kasen Stephenson recently pointed out that while teenage marriages carry a higher risk of ending in divorce, marriages from age 20 onward do not. In fact, research from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia showed that “there is no significant difference in reported marital satisfaction or divorce rates between earlier marriages” (those between the ages of 20 and 24) “and later marriages” (those after age 25). And by several important measures, earlier marriages have an advantage over those begun in the late 20s or beyond.

Stephenson pointed to a study that found spouses who married earlier reported higher rates of sexual satisfaction than any other marital age group. He suggested this could have something to do with the fact that such couples were single for less time, and so less likely to engage in hookups, which we know reduce marital satisfaction.

Early marriage appears to have long-term financial benefits, too. For example, married men earn more. Even when controlling for household size, education, and other factors, married men have 40% more household income than their unmarried peers and are half as likely to live in poverty. Sociologist Brad Wilcox has suggested that this is partly because “the responsibility norms associated with marriage mean that [married] men work harder, smarter, and more responsibly.” Speaking from personal experience, Stephenson added that spouses who share resources and responsibilities tend to have more flexibility when it comes to furthering their education and career.

Another subtler, more personal reason why early marriages, contrary to popular wisdom, are a good idea is that it allows couples to grow and build their lives, finances, and dreams together. Rather than becoming set in their ways separately, said Stephenson, earlier marriage gives couples the opportunity to mature together, sharing formative experiences, struggles, and triumphs, placing their love at the foundation of their lives, rather than making it an afterthought. Borrowing terms popular in sociology, he called these the “cornerstone” and “capstone” models of marriage.

Stephenson told how, as a junior at Stanford, he was the only student who mentioned marriage and children as part of his five-year plan.

They all described getting married as an objective for later and were surprised I would consider marrying so young. Shouldn’t I establish myself financially or professionally first, then seek a spouse?

The view of his fellow students is the “capstone” model in a nutshell. It’s also the current conventional wisdom about marriage. However, the research suggests it’s anything but wise, especially in an age when few ever reach the magical moment where they feel “ready” for marriage. Instead, many are finding they’ve waited too long.

Stephenson instead commends a “cornerstone” model of marriage:

In this model, marriage is less an achievement and more a foundation for life. Instead of merging two settled individuals, it emphasizes the intertwining of two budding people—generally between the ages of 20 and 25—who can traverse their formative years together.

This model, countercultural as it is, better harmonizes with who we are as humans and what marriage is as an institution. It is built on the biblical truth that God brought Eve to Adam so that they could fulfill the creation mandate together. Also, children were an explicit part of that mandate and are still a part of God’s design for marriage today (and another area in which young marriages excel).

Simply put, the popular wisdom on early marriages is mostly wrong. Perhaps instead of interrogating 20-somethings about their “age and wage,” Christians can ask young couples upon news of an engagement, “How can I help?” and “When’s the wedding?”

Related Resource: Quit "Following Your Heart"
The heart is deceptive, our feeling fades, and we do not have a full understanding of how clouded judgment can get. Scripture warns us about this and encourages us to trust in God's heart, God's plans, and God's will and way. I want to discuss why God is trustworthy today and how He can begin to transform our hearts to reflect His -- His good and pleasing and perfect will! Like what you hear?

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