Delve into the surprising truth behind our innate desire for control, as New York Times bestselling author Lysa Terkeurst reveals how it often masks deeper fears and hinders true peace.



I can still remember the first time I interviewed Lysa TerKeurst, author of the New York Times bestselling books, as well as her new book, "Making Peace with What I Can’t Control." I never in a million years would have thought at the time that I would not only get the chance to interview her but also get to know her son, and that I would produce a project featuring her and her son, Jackson. Lysa is someone who always seems to show up and deliver. However, I didn’t think she would step on my shoes, as the old folks used to say, when feeling convicted.

When my neighbor rang the doorbell, I knew what it was about: an ongoing issue with our HOA. Now, before I get started, let me say that I love my neighbors and our HOA. However, at times, I feel like they cross the line. I won’t bore you with the details of my HOA, but it was just a reminder of what I can’t control. During my time with Lysa, she made it clear that many of our control issues stem from fear. In true Lysa style, she nailed it!

When it comes to the issue of control, here’s how it shows up in most of our lives, according to TerKehurst. “We want things to be good. We want things to be right. We want security, sanity and steadiness in life. But if this stability depends on us getting it right all the time and pretending everything is fine, then that’s not the true peace. That’s control.” THIS IS MOST OF US, including me. Yes, I want things to be good. I wanted the HOA to side with me and leave me alone. This is what most of us want in life.

In this world, Scripture is clear that until we get to heaven, there will be struggles. There will be things that we can’t control. What I love about Lysa is that she has always been authentic with me. During her time with me, Lysa opened up about seeing a therapist while writing her new book and about what the Lord had taught her.

I was reminded that during a season of my life, I wanted more control than the Faith, and that I wanted God to move in the situation I found myself in. My therapist reminded me that when I seek control, am I asking for God’s will or my will? In asking do you have a control issue, the best way to find out is to ask the community around you. When Lysa decided to take this writing project on for her new book, she set out to send it to her focus group: “I don’t write to an outline, I write to a focus group.” Although many of us don’t have a focus group, we do have friends who will tell us the truth if we let them.

In giving up control to God, are you trying to control something because of fear? In Lysa’s new book, she describes getting up at 2 am to address an issue out of fear. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to control someone or a situation out of fear. Scripture is clear that fear isn’t our friend; in fact, fear comes from the enemy. In combating our controlling nature, we must be certain that faith is our rock and will give us the steadiness we need.

If you talk with my mom, she will tell you that since I was born, I’ve always been a person of justice, which is why I’m a journalist. Getting it right is very important to me; at times, my control issues in getting right have trumped relationships in my life. If having control is more important to you than your relationships, you’re on the wrong road in being the disciple that God has called us to be. During my time with Lysa, she explained that we tell and give ourselves a perception of someone or something that may not be true, based on wanting control.

Relationships matter to God, and they should matter to us. If being in control of your relationships is important to you, over your relationships, I would implore you to do what Lysa is asking her audience to do, and that’s listen and read the word of God.

God has not asked to control or own our situations; He’s asked us to place them in His hands.

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